Growing Ripe

My heart was broken this weekend.

No, I didn't break-up with my boyfriend or anything (fyi for all two of my readers!), but something happened that seriously left me disheartened and even shook my faith in my relationship. Honestly, something in me made me want to leave what we have and just quit.

Although I won't disclose details (hello, world wide web!), I will say this: I'm learning the importance of wrestling and even crawling through times of hardship. Although the sinful and selfish part of me wants to start running the other direction as fast as I can, the part of me that is attempting to be godly and trying to cling tightly to what righteousness may mean convicts me to stay. Even if there's an incorrigible mess, it's sanctification that's stopping me in my selfish tracks, ordering me to be patient, to work through the mess, and to perform damage control together.

Love does wash over a multitude of sins.

Beauty

I hope one day someone will see my sister's beautiful and imaginatively wonderful soul and cherish her for it.

Withdrawal

So recently, my camera stopped working and is in the process of repair. I've had serious withdrawals from not being able to shoot, which is the best distraction from my humdrum dental school studies on most days.

One of my most recent shots of my sister taken last December.

Richard Avedon: self-portrait

“I hate cameras. They interfere, they’re always in the way. I wish: if I could just work with my eyes alone. To get a satisfactory print, one that contains all that you intended, is very often more difficult and dangerous than the sitting itself. When I’m photographing, I immediately know when I’ve got the image I really want. But to get the image out of the camera and into the open, is another matter.”

Wrestling

Going into dental school, I wasn't completely sold on the idea of being a dentist. As much as I wanted to be (and as discouraging as it was knowing all my classmates were), there was (and still is) a part of me that would very much rather be doing something else (photography, fine art anyone?).

Yet I realize this is the dilemma of our generation. As a generation of twenty-somethings, we all are seeking fulfillment in our careers and professions, treating work as though it should be our life's purpose. Don't get me wrong--some people are meant to find careers that they are passionate about and find meaning in. Yet for the majority of us, our jobs/careers/professions are meant to be what they are: work.

God cursed us upon the fall of man to work:

"... therefore the Lord God sent him out from the garden of Eden to work the ground from which he was taken" (Genesis 3:23).

An elderly patient came into the clinic a couple weeks ago. He explained to me how much he hated practicing piano as a kid, but he kept playing knowing that that was what would be his profession. That persistence translated into opportunities to play in the army orchestra abroad, and eventually a profession in music. As he was leaving, he told me to keep practicing dentistry knowing that it'll open up doors for the future.

I'm not pursuing dentistry so much because it is my life's passion. I'm going into this profession because it is my calling. I have been called, as a Christ-follower and disciple to become a dentist because it will open up doors to serve the Lord. The path won't be easy and I won't always agree with it; but this is the cost of discipleship. As much as I've struggled and am struggling with this, I know that He has left me in this narrow cleft to wrestle and know that He is God and I am not.

So that is why everyday I choose dentistry.